The Value of An Elders Voice

Peter's Journal January 15, 2008

January 15, 2008

The Value of An Elders Voice

Life comes at us more quickly every year.  My 90 year old grandmother, who was part story teller, but mostly philosopher, used to comment that every year went quicker because each year was a smaller percentage of her total life.  There are probably many reasons why life seems to accelerate the older we become, so being conscious of this as one who has reached retirement age, has prompted me to reflect on the stages of life and to use two friends who lived into their nineties as examples.

Nanny Kreitler, my Dad’s mom, and John Seeley, both relatively small of stature, yet capable of creating an enormous shadow, would have made a good team.  They exemplified for me the essence of growing old gracefully. For both, even to the very end,  their glass was always half full, and never an unkind word was spoken about another. Each day was a supreme delight; even during the active process of dying.  From age 65 to 90 plus, were good mentoring years, and their style and grace was infectious.

I got to wondering about the stages of life.  As I recall from my sojourn in India in 1963 and my studying of Sanskrit at Brown University, the devote Hindu has a clearly defined 4 stage life.  Learner and student first, this early stage establishes the foundation for what is to evolve as life progresses.  Stage two is a time of devotion to building a strong family with values that guarantee success after the older generation dies.  The third portion of one’s life is a time designated to get the financial business side of the equation established.  With a family secure emotionally, spiritually and financially, the next phase is entered into without guilt.  Leaving the family unit to teach, meditate, and strive to be one with Atman (God) is the phase designed to enable all the knowledge gained to be turned into wisdom and then shared with the larger community.  If wisdom begins to accrue around the age of 75, then each section and all the experiences of one’s life prior, is preparing one for the final phase.  John Seeley and Nanny Kreitler grew in stature with the passing of each decade.  They were both very wise.

I know of no intentionality in our culture that prepares the elder to be accepted as wisdom keeper. I dare say I know of no one who actively pursued stages one thru three to enable the fourth stage to become reality.  Knowing this, however, Nanny and John, after their hair had turned white, turned their attention to passing on their wisdom about life to grandchildren, friends, and sometimes strangers.  We remain shortsighted in our culture not to collect and disseminate the wisdom of our elders; we only capture the brilliance of the aged among us through happenstance. This is not healthy for the long term well being of any culture. Capturing truth from our elders is more of a necessity today than ever.

Elders never retire.  Frankly, retirement is a poor word signifying nothing.  How can any among us abdicate responsibility for making this a better world simply because we have passed a number like 65?  As creation slips through our fingers, the holders of wisdom should be given 10 minutes a night on every single news station in the country.  We waste our time on celebrity sightings while we figuratively put the grandmothers and grandfathers out to pasture never to be seen or heard from again.

As my grandmother and mentor taught on so many occasions, every voice matters, and no person’s efforts are insignificant.  Both of these wonderful friends and wisdom keepers never discounted persons different than they.  To their credit, and for our notice, they always found something of value in each.  As a boy I can remember Nanny saying how much she liked the minister’s sermon, when for the life of me I had no clue what he was talking about. Nanny always found a kernel of truth someplace so she went home with more than I did.  If we all were active listeners every conversation would be a learning experience. 

Perhaps time passes more quickly the older we become as a direct result of our expanding our heart to understand and accept more people for who they are, and without judging. Two great people, role models both, never seemed to waste time bemoaning the existence and or behavior of someone else.  The lesson is that we can enter the fourth stage of life with hope if we prepare during the previous three phases.